Friday, December 30, 2011

Christmas 2011

"It's the most wonderful time of the year!"   I would have to agree!  I just love the family time, the laughs, the look on Bryce's face when she opens her presents from Santa.  I just can't get enough!  Christmas for our little family is very busy!  We start on Christmas Eve at my grandma Rogers' house and have dinner and open presents there.  We started a little earlier this year since we had to leave earlier to get B to church for her first Christmas Eve service.  I love going to my grandma's.  It something I have always done and Christmas wouldn't be the same without it! 





After my grandma and grandpa Rogers', we headed to church with my parents and brother (Matt) for Bryce's first Christmas Eve program.  She was so excited and practiced her songs all week!  I was a little nervous that she wouldn't do that great due to not having a nap and it being so close to bedtime... She did AWESOME!!  She sang so great and recited more lines than I thought she would.  She adores Mr. Luke (her Sunday School teacher) and I think that had A LOT do with her doing so well. :) 

The pictures are not the best.  It was hard to get good lighting in church.



After Church, we headed over to Grandpa Banick's for some more family time and presents.  I forgot to bring some "jammies" for Bryce and her cousins had changed into their "jammies", so thank goodness that Great Gramma/Grampa Rogers' gave her a new pair!  She is so darn cute in "jammies"!
She had a blast playing with her cousins and being a "wild child" at grandpa's house.



Kyle's sister, Carrie made books about Patsy's (Kyle's mom) life.  It was very neat to see all the old pictures and see how much Kyle resembles his mom. (But she had hair! :))

After Grandpa Banick's, we headed home to get Bryce to bed before Santa came.  She surprisingly went to bed pretty easy.  We needed to go to the 8:15 church service to fit everything in that day, so we had to wake Bryce up around 7.  She was so surprised to see all her gifts!

After church, we headed to my parents.  If you want to see LOTS of gifts spend Christmas morning at my parents! :)


Then we drive south to Oxford, Kansas for the Hamilton side.  Bryce was "wild child" again, but we had a blast!

Thursday, December 29, 2011

New Year's Resolutions Time!

I've been thinking a lot about the new year and want I want/need to change.  Here is my rough draft. :)  I may tweak it a bit before the 1st!

Lee Ann's Resolutions:
1. Run at least 3 times a week with Saturday or Sunday being my long run (I just need to be more consistent!)
2. Before going to bed and before leaving in the morning, making sure the house is clean and picked up. (This will definantly help with those last minute house showings!)

Family Resolutions:
1. Eat more vegetables (Green ones especially!)
2. Drink MORE water!

Running Goals for 2012:
*Run the Johnston's Half Marathon in April in less than 2:11!
*Run the MOPS Half Marathon in August in less than 1:58!
*Run the Prarie Fire Marathon in less than 5 hours!

Let's get this new year started!!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

I feel very blessed....

to have A LOT of great people in my life!

 After my last blog, I have received many messages, gifts, love and prayers.  All were unexpected, but I am very thankful and  I wish I could repay all of you!  I'm not the type of person who likes to receive something without giving back, so this is all so weird to me.  I don't know how to actually deal with it.  :)  After you go through a tough time, you really find out who really matters to you and who you matter to.  I am so lucky to work with a couple awesome girls (who "pretend" to have no clue what I'm talking about!) and some AMAZING women I sweat with.  Without all of you, I don't know what I would do!  
 
THANK YOU TO MY SECRET SANTAS!!!
THANK YOU TO TONYA AND THE MMF FAMILY!!!
THANK YOU TO CANDACE, THERESA, AND KRISTEN H.!!!
THANK YOU TO KRISTIN W.!!!

I love all of you and need you to know that I truly am grateful and blessed to have you in my life!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

New from Bryce!

A few things Bryce has said lately:"Horton Whos a Hear"
"Mama, you're my favorite....with your head off!"  Who knows!!

Games she's playing these days:
I have to be "Pastor" and she is "LeeAnn" and she talks like this while playing around the house.  If I call her Bryce, she says "No, I'm YeeAnn!"

Driving cars around while yelling at Alajiah, Treydon and Tayjiah in the cars. :)

She colors CONSTANTLY!  And most times I'm not allowed to color with her and if I get to, she colors my picture too!

It's beginning to be look a lot like Christmas....

I love Christmas time! 
(It's kind of a shame that things aren't going the greatest during this wonderful time...)

Bryce and I headed to Cowtown for their Victorian Christmas.  We had so much fun!  We listened to Christmas carols in the church, colored a snowman ornament in the Kids Emporium, rode the horse wagaon, and talked to many Cowtown people.  I love these times I get to spend with her, just the two of us.

Listening to Christmas carols in the church.

Saying "hi!" to Rosie the cow.


Coloring her snowman ornament


Looking inside the Bank.


We love Cowtown (especially during Christmas!)


After Cowtown, we picked up daddy and went to look at Christmas lights in College Hill.  We popped popcorn and made hot cocoa and ate/drank while we admired all the great light displays.  I wish every neighborhood would decorate for Christmas!  Wouldn't that be great??

Only 14 more days until Christmas! Do you want to know a secret?  I really haven't even started my shopping.  We've picked up presents for B here and there but that is it.  We are going through some financial problems with our house not selling yet, my surgery bills and everything else going on in our crazy life, so shopping doesn't sound great right now.  But on a positive note, my flex spending check came in the mail yesterday!  We definantly needed that!  Too bad that money can't really help with buying presents, but it's still a blessing!  I just need to trust that God will provide and get us through this time. 

I hope you are all enjoying this wonderful Christmas time!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Am I not meant to be a mom?

All I've ever wanted was to be a mom (Except for that brief time after watching the giving birth video in high school, but even then I wanted to adopt.)  I always thought that I would have at least 4 kids.  Well my plan is not meant to be, I guess.  Our "having kids journey" has been very rough on me.

It all started after Kyle and I got married.  I wanted to start having kids right away.  Kyle was a little less excited and didn't want to give up his "immature ways." (Which I think he still hasn't given up!)  The spring after we got married, I took a pregnancy test for fun and it had 2 lines.  I was so excited and couldn't wait to have a baby, but I ended up having a miscarriage the next week.  I know I wasn't even over a month pregnant, but it hurt a lot.  I was in bed for a couple days and I was really depressed.  We kept trying, but we never got pregnant.  My OBGYN got a little worried so he started doing tests on me to see if everything was okay.  All my tests turned out alright, so he sent Kyle to a urologist to get himself checked out.  Well long story short, Kyle ended up having surgery to (hopefully) fix the problem.  After the surgery, his doctor told us that we should have no problem getting pregnant.  I didn't want to wait so we were referred to The Center of Reproductive Medicine in the fall of 2007.  We started the process of IUI.  After the first try we got pregnant with Bryce (even though the day of the IUI my nurse said we probably wouldn't get pregnant with the numbers).  I love Bryce with all my heart and I am so grateful to have her in my life and would do anything for her.  I hope I don't sound greedy, but I just want more babies to love and take care of and would love Bryce to have siblings that she could play with and talk to.

Last Fall, we went back to the Center of Reproductive Medicine to try again.  We weren't able to get pregnant on our own since after Bryce was born.  We tried IUI again with Clomid this time and it didn't work.  This was really hard since it was so easy to get pregnant the first time.  We weren't able to try again due to the financial costs of everything. 

This Fall, we went back to try again.  The initial meeting with the doctor I was told that if I were his daughter the only thing he would recommend for me is in-vitro.  He let me go ahead and try IUI and we hoped for the best.  This was very hard for me to hear.  IUI was already too expensive for us that I couldn't imagine us being able to pay for in-vitro.  We went ahead with the IUI and after my first sonogram I was hit with another big blow.  I had two big cysts on my right ovary and the doctor was concerned.  I went back and had another sonogram the next month and they were still there and bigger.  The doctor scheduled me to have surgery to remove the cysts.  He told me there was no reason to do the IUI since the cysts would deter me from getting pregnant.  I was very scared.  I've never had surgery before and was told that there was a chance that they might have to take the ovary.  Well, everything went okay and I was told that I have a beautiful uterus (which I guess is not going to be used to house babies...).  After the surgery we started the process of IUI again, I had to take a week's worth of Clomid and a trigger shot before the IUI.  Well, it didn't work again.  After all the time and money and nothing.  I am so sad right now and I can't figure out why I'm not meant to be a mom.  Am I a bad person?  Am I not a good mom?  Am I being punished for things I've done?  I know that God is in charge and that what is meant to be is meant to be, but it's just hard.  It is so easy for some people to get pregnant and it's even a surprise for some people.  (Which Kyle tells me all the time not to compare myself to others. But I can't help it.)  We plan and plan and nothing works.  And now since I was so selfish to have another kid, I have ruined our Christmas.  We have to pay so much money for this process and none of it is covered by my insurance.  I guess insurance doesn't think me having children is necessary either. 
I will continue to love Bryce with all my heart and try to give her the best life that I can offer, but I still have a piece of me that is empty and I don't think I'll ever stop wanting more kids.  And telling me that "it will happen" and "when the time is right" makes it worse, so please don't tell me these lies.  I didn't write the blog to get sympathy or people to talk to me about this.  I wrote this to let people know what is going on.  I love Kyle whole-heartedly and he has done nothing wrong during any of this. I don't think I could have gotten through it without him.  Please don't think that anything is wrong with "us".  It's all me.  I'm just not meant to be a mom to more than once, I guess.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Seeing Santa

Last night, we took Bryce to see Santa at "Lights on the Lake" at Heartsprings.  She wasn't scared at all.  She sat on his lap and told him she wants "princesses and babies" and Santa kept waiting for her to say more. :)  Afterwards, we checked out the awesome light display they had there.  Bryce loved them! 






After dinner, we headed over to Bradley Fair to ride the horse-drawn carriages. When we got there the line was super short and we got right onto the wagon. (We would have had to wait a little longer for the carriage. Thank goodness Bryce isn't picky!) She loved this as well!! 





I think this turned out to be the perfect night!